


Meta peice of shit

by Bumocusal (orphan_account)



Series: Never going to be finshed, lol (sry) [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cliche, M/M, Meta, Metafiction, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, Nurse Louis, Post Mpreg, Student Louis, Teacher Harry, Teacher-Student Relationship, Underage Kissing, fan fiction, old folk home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 17:37:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8499058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Bumocusal
Summary: The most meta piece of shit on the internet, that's it's actual title.Or, Harry jumps though Larry fanfiction.





	

**Author's Note:**

> P.s. This will never be finished.

And when Harry wakes up, he draws a blank because for some odd reason he is not in his luscious, Hilton, hotel rooms bed. No. He's not even lying down like you usually are when you wake up.

Harry is standing in the middle of a compact platform, surrounded by a handful of elderly people.

If his sense of smell wasn't betraying him, Harry could deduct that this was a nursing home and he was currently standing in the middle of a decorated Christmas themed BooBooPalooza.

  
A life-sized gingerbread man was leaning up against the wall and tensile was plastered on the crown molding.

Which was extremely odd, considering it was the middle of June and not even close enough to make the Hot chocolate everyone was drinking seasonally acceptable. Harry himself was wearing the ugliest sweater known to man, with kittens dressed up as reindeer on the front.

He would have been more freaked out if it wasn't for Zayn suddenly clutching onto his hand in a death grip. Harry looks over at him, confusion laced in his eyes. “Mate, what's going on?"

“I don't know, but I think I can see Louis over in the corner," Zayn whispered back, pointing to the back of the room and singling out Louis, who was staring at Harry with such admiration, it almost knocked him off his feet.

  
Before Harry could question it, the music picked up in the background.

It was an accordion version of Rockin around the Christmas tree, and a brown haired Niall came rushing over to hand both of them microphones, he sends them a wink, “Knock it out of the park, Lads."

Zayn's eyes widened alarmingly, and like magic, he began singing along to the tune. But what was the most surprising wasn't the way he was just forced to sing, it was how his voice sounded.

  
Nothing like the smoky tenor that was present throughout his usual sound.

This voice sounded like he'd never taken a singing lesson in his life, and it almost cracked Harry up by how much it sounded like X-factor Zayn. When he was about to call bullshit, his own mouth opened.

_“Rocking around the Christmas tree,_   
_have a happy holiday_   
_Everyone dancing merrily_

_in the new old-fashioned way._   
_You will get a sentimental_   
_feeling when you hear_

_Voices singing let's be jolly,_   
_deck the halls with boughs of holly "_

Despite the horrendous quality of his own voice, Louis; who Harry just noticed is dressed up like a nurse- was still looking at him, a grin stretched across his lips in a way that Harry hasn't seen in years.

  
Zayn seems to notice it as well because he sends Harry a pointed look. And how can Harry respond?

When the song is over Zayn practically drags him off stage, ignoring the loud clapping of the senior audience. “What the fuck is going on, Harry?"

Harry shrugs his shoulders. “How would I know? I just asked you the exact same fucking question about five minutes ago!"

  
Zayn starts to argue back when Liam, or some weirdly suited version of Liam, walks straight up to Zayn with a proud crook to his smile.

“You were so good, babe," And kisses him.

It wasn't extremely weird seeing them kiss because all of them use to fool around back at boot camp, but Harry could tell this was different, softer. It was like Liam was kissing him with a little bit more passion than you probably don’t use with mates.

Zayn pulls back, short of breath, a wild look in his eye, “ _Uh_ \- What?"

Liam just laughs, hugs his arms around Zayn's frozen body, and whispers into his ear, too low for Harry to hear.

Harry sees Louis and brown haired Niall walk over, seeming to not even notice Liam and Zayn wrapped up in each other, or not caring. Louis goes to hold Harry's hand, but Harry stops him.

  
What if someone saw them touching each other?

  
Their team would be ultimately pissed.

Ever since the early days, Harry and Louis had been touchy, but once Louis had pulled back Harry knew that their team had cornered him as well, stating how terrible it would have been for their group to have any chance of a gay member in it. They had drilled it into their minds, and Harry knew it.

Louis' smile dimmed, but only a little. “You could be a professional, Harry. I don't know why you never believe me."

His voice, it's much softer than his usual loud tone, nothing like the boy he knows. This Louis is mellow, smaller somehow, and is looking at Harry like he strung up the moon and stars.

  
His heart is aching because this Louis looks so vulnerable.

“Are you feeling ill, Louis?" Harry asked surprisingly calm, folding his arms behind his back so Louis couldn't grab onto him.

Raising an eyebrow, Louis shakes his head, a small pout on his lips, “Not at all, Hazza. In fact, I was going to ask you the same thing considering you won't even touch me. Never mind that, though, I'm so thankful you and Zayn agreed to do this. It means the world to me."

"Uh," Harry mumbles out, "What did we do exactly?"

Louis giggles completely charmed, sounding similar to bells ringing, “You're the most silliest man I've ever met, Hazza. Are you ever going to stop telling jokes?"

Standing on his tiptoes, Louis leans forward to kiss him. It's short and simple, but it's totally unexpected.

  
His tiny hands are cradling Harry's jaw, and all Harry can see is Zayn gasping in a cartoon-like a manner as Louis whimpers into Harry's mouth. “I love you, Harry."

Harry blinks right before a fist thumps into his jaw, sending him onto the floor. It's bloody Nick Grimshaw!

He closes his eyes, then opens them.

The room is different, and Zayn isn't here this time, just Louis and him sitting in some type of classroom.

  
He can deduct it's probably an American school, from the large map on the side of the room of the United states. And over his head, DETENTION is written in chalk on the blackboard.

Louis looks a lot younger this time, younger than when they first met. He's got a short, choppy haircut and a school uniform, with a white button up shirt with tan trousers.

Harry insistently wonders if he is younger as well, looking down to see his shoulder length hair and sighs in relief. Thank God. It's just weird to see the suit and tie he's currently wearing, name tag and all.

Zayn ends up bursting through the door a moment later, white as a sheet, before Harry can properly question Louis. He is painting and dressed exactly like Louis. (Same age too.)

“Zayn, mate? Aren't you supposed to be with Perrie right now?" Louis asked, kicking his feet up on the desk and glancing over at Harry with a challenging spark in his eyes.

  
What was this place, and why was Louis looking at him so weirdly? Zayn just shook his head.

“Eh, just needed to chat with Mr. Styles for a moment," Zayn said urgently, gesturing for Harry to follow him.

  
Upon hearing the formal name, Harry stood up instantly and walked out of the classroom, hearing Louis shout, “Does this mean detention is over?"

Slamming the classroom door, Harry leans up against it, closing his eyes. “What's going on Zayn? How did you find me? And Mr. Styles?"

Zayn lets out a breath, relief painted on his face. “I thought we got separated. I was so worried that you wouldn't understand what was happening, or that I was alone.."

Harry wraps his arms around Zayn, comforting him. It was a nice hug, and probably the first one he'd gotten since Zayn left the band.

  
They both slide down the wall opposite the classroom door, just hugging and reassuring each other that it's going to be okay.

“This feels like we're in fanfictions."

"Does this one feels much more cliché to you?" Zayn asks, a few seconds later.

Harry nods, "And written really shitty."

It doesn't take long before he hears the door open, or Louis' snarky voice cut through the air.

“Bit inappropriate, don't you think, Mr. Styles? Hugging a student?"

Harry and Zayn both look over to Louis, who has somewhat of an irritated glare on his face. If Harry could place that look anywhere, it would be whenever Louis first found out that Harry had been sneaking off to L.A. during breaks.

  
Zayn speaks first, “How 'bout you stop being a prick, Louis?"

Louis folds his arms over his chest and huffs, “How about you stop hanging off Mr.Styles?"

Harry sighed, letting go of Zayn. “Go back into the classroom, Louis. Detention isn't over yet."

Zayn looks at him, awe on his face. Harry shrugs, makes a nonchalant face and stands up- ready to follow Louis back into the classroom, which he reluctantly does.

  
Before he completely forgets, Harry asks. “You never did tell me how you found me, Zayn."

A small, but noticeable blush creeps up on his face. “Liam told me."

Harry smiled, “Weird that he kissed you, right?"

Zayn nods, sending Harry a thankful look. “Yeah. Does it feel odd for you too because of Louis?"

Harry hadn't thought about it, but now that he was, he defiantly felt odd looking at Louis. He couldn't get the kiss off his mind.

  
It was so sweet and steady, yet had already knocked Harry off his pedestal. “Zayn, everything Louis does is odd to me, and just because this was the first time he's kissed me in five years, I think I'll be okay."

“You talking about me?" Louis taps on his shoulder, scaring the living daylights out of him. He has this expecting expression on his lips, curled into a taught frown.

  
It was cute enough for Harry to forget the fact that Louis was two centimeters away from his own face.

“Um-"

“I mean, who wouldn't want to talk about me. I'm pretty fabulous, right Zayn? Or should I call you back-stabbing, lying, man stealing, ex-best friend?" Louis had this self-satisfied grin on his face, causing Harry's eyebrows to shoot up to his hairline.

Man stealing?

Zayn scoffed, “Why would I steal Har- Mr. Styles, from you?"

Louis stomps his foot, “Exactly! Calling him Harry isn't good for your case, back-stabbing, lying, man stealing, ex-best friend. He's mine, even if he doesn't know it yet!"

Warm lips attack his own. Louis' kissing him again! It different than last time, more tongue and spit are entering his mouth. It ends rather quickly, though, Louis pulls back, “See, Zayn! Stick with Perrie, because of Mr.Styles like me, and not you!"

“Me and Perrie broke up, Lewis!" Zayn shouts.

A loud crash vibrates off the wall as an American football breaks through the window, hitting Harry right on the head, knocking him over.

He blinks.

  
He's not in the classroom anymore, and Zayn is not to be found.

He's sitting in a dreary, cold, hospital waiting room, surrounded by Louis family and his own. Gemma has her hand wrapped firmly around his and looks much older. Her hair is a bright orange, and she has a toddler sitting on her lap.

“Don't worry, little Bro. Louis is going to be fine," She whispers, nudging the little girl enough to turn towards Harry and grin. The toddler has one tooth sticking out of her gums, and she seems to be acquiring more.

  
She has brown straight hair and blue eyes.

A shrill little voice erupted from her mouth, “Don't worry, Daddy. Papa is going to be fine."

“What's going on?" He says, mesmerized by the shattering blue eyes of the toddler. Gemma sends him a confused glance, shifting the child into Harry's' lap before standing up.

  
She is about to speak when Zayn, dressed up like a nurse, comes rushing in.

“It's a boy!"

Cheers erupt from the room, and Harry is jumping to his feet, placing blue eyes, as he's ended up calling her, on his left hip.

  
He's being hugged from all sides, as Zayn leads him through the hospital hallway towards a room with a wailing baby inside.

Zayn leans over to him with a funny expression on his face, “I just watched Louis squeeze that baby from his asshole. I think it's your child."

“Harry?" Louis' fragile voice breaks. He's laying limp in the bed, the baby has ceased crying as he's sucking happily on Louis small nipple. It's an odd thing to be watching, but he quickly rushes to Louis side. “I did it, Harry. And it wasn't any easier the second time around. Mummy lied."

Chuckling, “Yeah, well, she wasn't giving birth through her bum."

Louis laughs loudly, “Glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor to parenthood, your looks, however..."

Harry gasps mockingly, “How dare you!"

The whole thing startles the baby off the nipple. Rippling screams and sobs escape the tiny things mouth.

  
Louis tries to put it back in the baby's open mouth with no success. “I can’t handle it, Harry. Would you take him for a few seconds?"

Before he can protest, the baby is in his arms. And it was like a glimpse into Heaven. This is his child.

The boy had green eyes the size of quarters, and dirty blonde hair piled on top of his head. It was so much hair, that someone had tied it back with a little hair tie.

  
He fit perfectly in Harry's two palms, not big at all. He had Louis' nose, his own lips with a sharp cupid's bow, and the most pretty eyebrows, shaped beautifully.

And it's almost like magic, but as soon as he is placed in Harry's hold, he stops crying.

Louis snorts, “Of course he'd quite down for you. You're the baby whisperer."

  
A proud emotion bubbles up his throat, “What’s his name?”

  
“Well,” Louis started, a sheepish expression on his face, “I know we were talking about all those crazy baby names _, like Conchobar_ \-- But I can’t imagine naming my kid that.”

  
Harry almost dies. What kind of fanfiction was this? Conchobar? Why?

  
“I’m glad that’s not his name.”

Louis get’s this relieved look in his eyes, “That’s great. I- Uh, named him Freddie. Is that okay? You named the last one, I named this one? I know that’s not how you’re supposed to do this baby thing. But still.”

  
Freddie. Harry’s brain snaps back to reality because that’s Louis and Brianna’s child’s name. Not his and Louis. Louis and Brianna’s. But this was their baby. Or at least a fucked up fan version of their baby, so he pushes the thought out of his mind.

  
“As long as you don’t name him Kale, I’m sure we’re fine,” Zayn pipes up from the corner.

  
Louis laughs, throwing his head back against the pillow, it shows off his bobbing neck. He quickly looks away because he’s holding a baby, so it’s probably an inappropriate time to get hard. Louis must notice because he puckers his lips.

  
“Give me back my baby and a kiss,” Louis orders, sounding exactly like his Louis.

  
He hands back Freddie and leans in for a quick peck. As soon as he’s pulling back, Louis says, “So, when are you going to propose?”

  
Harry actually faints.

  
And it’s stupid because he never faints. That’s something that’s never actually happened to him.

**Author's Note:**

> P.s. This will never be finished.


End file.
